that is from a 6 pence none the richer song (but the glory is God's :p ). it has been quite helpful lately. tonight i realized, it's true even when things are going well. God is always here...kinda a foreign idea 'cos i don't realize it a lot.

last few weeks have been rough..but God is good...i learned stuff...the church (other Christians) is good...parents are good.

things learned incl.:

printer broke.

have to go to library tmw morning..hopefully i won't have to return 'cos i'll be sooo dead.

must trust God. prrraaayyy.

2) got a job offer, only i don't know if it's clerical or labour. but i don't wanna think about that now. also, ontario place probably wants to hire me but i haven't called them back yet. willing to go to wonderland now (parents gave me diff. way of looking at the main deterrent) but i don't think God wants me to go.

3) been thinking of going to vbs at parents' (emily's) church. for ministry experience...and i miss being in a Christian env't. but i don't know if it's just ministry i wanna do or if it's actually the stuff that's part of vbs. or if i am capable of doing stuff like Bible teaching and "classroom" management...oh and i don't wanna clean some stuff and do something else

if we go to hong kong in june (before it was august) i think i wanna do vbs. if it was in august i'd be thinking of going to urban promise when i'm here. might still go to afterschool program in may.

4) thinking of going to fellowship @ peoples in the summer.

it is almost over./! until then, gotta finish last thing to hand in. anyway, prayer for grandma, summer, unspoken requests will be much appreciated. and pray for all university students/ppl in school :p sometimes it seems wrong to only ask for prayers for my school stuff..but pray for their non-academic stuff too :p

oooh and pray for my other relatives who don't know God and for my family's and relatives who are Christians' witnessing/being witnesses to them in hk (and when we are here instead of there).

karen is not going to iv on friday :(

maybe i'm not exactly living vicariously through my brother...i think it's more that my reason for participating in some ppl's missions stuff is 'cos i like that stuff or wish i could do what they're doing...

pray for mission fest...and that the Holy Spirit will guide people as they hear the messages...

today my friends talked about minimum wage: more pay = less work, higher prices, higher living costs...and i think they/one said it's not a living wage. maybe we talked about these things in my pov. class last term.

oh and anti-perspirant can lead to breast/chest cancer 'cos toxic stuff builds up in your body (though less likely for men)..so i've been informed. read before that it causes alzhiemers or some other disease. but i also noticed at the store before that they don't really sell deodorant..well, maybe there was one or two but all the big brands are anti-perspirant, i think.

n.t.s.: wife's volunteering

also found out jessica is interning there...i've been thinking of going to u.p. -- afterschool program in the spring or some days ea. week in the summer. i dunno. i think wonderland is where God wants me to be and yesterday i said i'd go, but i can't see myself there as what i'm applying for..or being happy there...or doing anything for the kingdom there..well the last one is imaginable i guess :p if i got the position i wanted before i might be happy :p

BUT ontario place called and i'm supposed to call back...and today i found out the hydro place still isn't done hiring. and yesterday i found out missions agencies MIGHT have clerical work...i would REALLY LIKE THAT :p my mom also talked to me about experience in ministry and when i found out lots of the vbs kids are from non Christian homes that appealed to me, but i don't really wanna go there. but CLERICAL WORK W/ A MISSIONS AGENCY WOULD BE GREAT. i'd be involved w/ missions, i can learn about missions,i can get clerical experience and i can work in a Christian env't.

living vicariously: (qtd.?)
i experience my desires through other ppl, e.g. my brother and his missions trip to tijuana. almost everytime today i've wanted to be there when i thought of him and prayed for him. i count three hours back and can figure out what they're probably doing.

oooh, today i realized, i think while reading my soc. psych. text: wanting ppl who don't know God to see i'm different, i('d) want them to know what i did. but if it was out of love, i wouldn't desire for them to know. it IS supposed to be out of love. hard to explain the train of thought but yeah...

on sat. joanna also had some good stuff about the good samaritan in her blog (jopoo.blogspot.com)

got to the airport a bit after 4. my brother looked quite happy w/ his friends...i wish i knew every minute of what they are doing :p at the airport i talked to samantha, andreea, mary and emily. i've kinda wanted to be in tijuana but not really...only 'cos of living standards stuff though. (hopefully) when i go back to latin america i won't care :)

one of the kids fainted @ the airport. i don't know if he ended up going or not. but pray for his health.

tonight i found out that one of the ppl who got shot in scarborough last week worked or helped out w/ urban promise...pray for u.p., the kids there, his family & community.

today my dad and i ate a sushi buffet. they had korean food too. pretty good though i don't know if i'd do it again :p

well, brother off to mexico today...plan leaves in about 6 hours. gonna get to the airport at 4 a.m. i'm planning just to stay up w/ and watch nemo though i'm tired (would sleeping for an hour or an hour and a half help? no). yesterday i wanted to go to tj. told someone about the food and wanted to eat it :p

also learned about cell phones: there's the most radiation when it's connecting to the server (or whatever) and then the amount decreases...so you should put it away from you when it's connecting (i believe that's when it does doot-doot-doot). when the call is being made (e.g. ringing for the other person, i think) it should be okay to put it at your ear -- there's still radiation, but less.

well, may go to iv next week. if i come out i'll go on saturday...unless a job interview makes me hafta come on friday.

it'd be nice to hang out w/ Christians, though at iv i don't have a bond w/ anyone like i do w/ you guys... if i don't hafta live at an apartment (or wherever i end up) next summer i'd like to live at grebal...more time to play and be involved. and maybe more likely to get a spot? :p maybe i can see sam on thursday.

big news but i'll write it later...off to look for nemo. pray for tijuana (mexico) team! they're gone tmw 'til monday march 15th. they're building homes w/ mexican caravan ministries, an organization that is also committed to teaching people about missions & mobilization. there's 36 of them + 6 (or 8?) chaperones, plus i think there will also be teams from other places.

so..i decide to follow, wonder when me+God will be good, think it might have to be caused by doing something outside my comfort zone when it comes up, pretty sure i'll screw up. not optimistic. though i think i should be but then i get scared. ugh.

today i saw karen, david, josh and joanna (and pam but i don't really know her). short moment of happiness w/ joanna (and maybe some of the other ppl). saw annie on sunday (her family visited peoples). felt that she cared about me.

also, after something from the message on sunday, i think it may have been wrong to say that i need God to do something in me to get me out of my non-surrenderness. well, it'd be wrong to say i don't need Him to do anything. so what i'm talking about is the idea that i don't need to do anything and i need Him to do it all. lately i've also thought it's time to just start following..like obeying though i don't want to. and that it's through that stuff that i'll grow closer to God. maybe i need to change how i look at things (like pay attn. to God, what He can do, rather than fear/discomfort/the fact that i don't wanna do something). still it's scary. and right now i feel insecure..not "insecure" as ppl usually mean when they say someone is insecure but insecurity re. me & this stuff i just wrote about...

on sunday the reason i gave myself to go to church was to know God more. the last time i was @ church they had talked about whether the reason we go to church is to know God more and i realized that has never been my reason.

oh yeah, i also realized: in bolivia (on march 4th, for ppl who took the quiz :p and MY BIRTHDAY IS NOT ON MAY 5th!). anyway, that day God made me see that there was a life for me on the missionfield (here i'm using it to mean full-time ministry in another country, probably a developing country) and He gave me the desire to go. but this was AFTER i had decided to go..like i already made the choice. (i probably realized this before but it relates to the stuff about thinking i need God to do everything to make me give Him everything/put Him first-est and there's nothing i can do).

all this writing about this stuff is really making me realize i need to follow Him and stuff.

oh yeah, recently i also remembered: i was one of the ppl sharing about bolivia to the teachers. i thought God was telling me to share something but i didn't think it was what we we're supposed to share and so/or it'd be stupid to share. but i ended up sharing it..and some of the teachers came up to me about it after (not in a bad way). and i think someone/some ppl thought it was good.. the point of this isn't that my sharing was good, but that i did what God wanted me to do and the result was good.

being able to discern if God is actually telling me something is really important :p **pray** :p but maybe if i was less hesitant this concern would be diff. (but it would still be important..just for diff. reasons :p like love for God and wanting Him to be glorified :p ) ..this is a journey (and reality) of someone imperfect...but phil 1:6