sm. group today. i think i actually realized this before, but we were talking about doing things to please God. for me, glorifying God/doing stuff for God has right/wrong connotations...so i realized, i'm already covered by Jesus' blood... i don't need to worry about the right and wrong stuff, i can just do stuff to please God. though for me there's also that whole thing of "but i don't wanna do this thing"

today i saw maeghan.

a bit closer to surrendering um..something...

i've started.. well, writing out prayers doesn't work well for me. i always feel pressure to write like something poetic or something, and sometimes it's like, i just prayed it in my head, why do i need to write it down again? anyway, i've started using crayons to kind of...write a verse to remind myself of or my thought process during some praying/reflection time.

ambivalent towards exec...or apathetic but not exactly ('cos i know if/when i get rejected i'll probably be sad). last time i wanted it really bad (though it was kind of not peaceful). this time...well...in the first two days i'd check my mail and have a heart attack before getting into my inbox. now...i dunno. there's a lot of stuff i wanna do next year. and it seems like there are a lot of ppl who got interviewed. kinda realized too late (i.e. i wish i realized earlier) that, at least w/ the way things are this term, doing worship planning can influence what happens at large group. definitely don't feel adequate.

honestly though, it's b/c of my faith that i get into so much...unnecessary heartache. okay, more b/c of legalism which i'd have less of if i wasn't a Christian. (this is no longer directly related to the previous paragraph, for anyone wondering...) some stuff that was problematic from high school is still problematic, though kind of diff'ly.

talked to mike 'til 5 on tuesday (technically wednesday) ..'bout different stuff. kind of makes me think (though i haven't thought too much about the stuff that makes me think. it was kind of a "hmmm..maybe i should look into that" kinda thing) ...and another time he said something about loving other ppl and...i dunno, something i forget. oh, trusting God to take care of stuff (e.g. when you don't understand something...or of other ppl's salvation)

might as well mention dessert party. we went to 'travelling pants' and then had dessert party at holly's. sex in a pan is muy delicioso :) and this guy was trying to make deep fried ice cream, but when they put the ice cream into the pot, a huge flame went up. and then another one. smoke detector went off but no fire alarm. (if this happened at minota the fire alarm would have gone off :p )

lg was good tonight. as expected though maybe not the exact way i expected it :p but sharing is increasing. last night mike asked me where i wanted wcf to go..i just had some stuff other ppl said. later i realized, i want the fellowship we had at peoples...like sharing...growing together... though the outreach stuff that's been brought up is cool too...but i guess now i have to figure out what i see re. outreach for us as a group...'cos i'm used to thinking about it on an individual level. we've talked about blessing other ppl this term. which i've liked. plus it's something everyone can do more easily.

oh yeah, mike isn't the mike you/most of you know...